C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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