I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
