watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at about main and main street
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
