You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
