I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
