..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
