It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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