I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just took my morning after pill in the library
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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