I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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