I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
