Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
