a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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