You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
