I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
