I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
