Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
