I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
