It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
