come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
