3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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