I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Panties = found
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
