I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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