pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
jump out the window naked night went bad
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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