I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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