I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
