This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
