why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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