i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
