My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
