1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
