so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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