i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
