just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
