I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
