It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
