Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think I died a long time ago.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
