I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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