you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
