i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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