In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize