You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
