yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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