just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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