turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
