I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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