I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
