I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
