i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
