I hate your face
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
