i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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