Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
