I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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