direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
