highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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