spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
