too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
