I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
