so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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