babies were throwing up all over the place
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
