My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
