fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
