he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
