My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i think i just lost a toe
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
