thus making me awesome and them whores
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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