he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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