Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
