In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well you can't waste a boner
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
