I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
