let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
