If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
