You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
