Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
