You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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