the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
