I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
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She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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